dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
