hotel room ftw
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
