Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
