I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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