Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
