Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize