after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
