the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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