There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize