I faked an abortion last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
