Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
