I think i peed on brittanys purse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
