I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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