maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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