Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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