He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
