He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
