Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
