we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize