I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
