Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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