Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
