Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
