The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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