margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
