apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
