I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
