Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
