I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
