I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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