I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
