My hand turned me down
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
