Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize