There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
