I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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