There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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