If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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