i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
being pregnant is like rehab
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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