the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
