It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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