I wish I only lived at night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
