"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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