how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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