I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
