Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
