he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
