i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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