Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
