you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
