the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
