Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
