just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
