I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
