OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize