He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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