I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
