Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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