3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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