I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
