She is in my trunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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