so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
