Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
