Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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