his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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